breath

look

does this count

a quick post, no pictures, no big insights.
a bold stand is still happening at its own pace, but I though I would update those two people that read this.
over the past six months i have been in conversation with tony tendero about a documentary on prayer. the documentary looks at prayer through the lens of the stockbridge boiler room.
we have wrapped major shooting and are actively working on the edit. we should have a trailer soon to give a taste of the doc and the direction.
i would appreciate your prayers that i would be sensitive to GOD's nudges as i direct the edit.
-p

meant to be

last post was hoping for a new story to be told.
we both decided it needed to be filmed outside. then it rained.

we agreed on a day the next week, then one of us had to bail. that happend a couple of times.

now we just agree that it needs to be done, but her story has come to another middle so to speak, so we are waiting for God to do what He does to completion.

It really reminds me for some reason of our move back to michigan. We were happy in hawaii, many people who move there find they don't really like island life. we did.

we had plenty of friends, they were our family, they were our church, and our support.

we didn't have much money, but none of us did.

we started to settle and look for a house, or land to build a house. nothing lined up, and nothing lined up. then after one afternoon looking at lots, alli and i came home, sat down and knew that God was telling us it was time to move back to michigan. every january since then i look at our photos with longing.

i don't know why this reminds me of the bold stand projects, maybe the months of delay have caused a feeling of similarity between that event 3 years ago and now, but i hope that God allows this vision to continue, if not with me, then someone. i hope that people will still watch what has already been put online. i hope that it impacts just one person.

and maybe that is it. the one person that God wanted to reach through this thing has been reached. maybe.

maybe not.

maybe we lived in hawaii to teach us one thing: to rely on God for everything, a lesson that, to be honest, i still am learning.
and maybe until we learn that more, we cannot move back.

no we aren't moving, i was just dreaming out loud there for a second.

blank

no picture for this post.
i don't think i will post one later either.
seems fitting in light of the absense of not only activity here on the blog, but also for the lack of activity for "a bold stand"

not that it has not been on my mind, but what do you say to someone who says "sounds exciting, these stories were great." etc... and then looks with a blank stare at you as if it is inconcievable that they would ever be into sharing what God has done in their lives.

and not that it hasn't been on my mind, but what do you say when it looks like we'll make rent fine this month and then your computer dies? shell out another couple grand to steve jobs, take on a couple jobs to make up for it, mix up your priorities and your supposed "calling" with the aspirations of good business.

add to that, not that it hasn't been on my mind, but what do you say when a good friend opens up their heart to you and you have a conversation that costs a LOT because your cell phone minutes are already eaten up for the month.

add to that................

{blank}

God willing, there will be another story told on wednesday afternoon.
God willing, that story will be posted live to the site by friday evening.
God willing, it will change someones perspective in life.
God willing, it will inspire one more to be willing to put it all out there for the world to see.
God willing, i will not continue to be caught up in doing what is "good for business"

lights

things progress slowly, one person at a time.

all who i share this vision with are excited about it. but not to many are willing to participate. i refuse to be pushy, and so get someone's testimony online that is not really prompted by God to share. i pray that people come to me. it is kind of a hard road to walk, since i am used to pursuing the goals that i set for myself. i am used to me having to act to make it happen. but this... this is different. in this i have to just make people aware of the opportunity, let them know that if they are feeling a tug on their hearts to do this thing, then i will be there in every way i can be to make it happen.

to the few that have said, "count me in," thank you. thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable. thank you that you realize that you never truly have it "together" and so will not wait until times are better. thank you that even though our schedules have been hard to line up, you do not lose interest. thank you, mainly because you give me hope. 

hope that the lights will actually come on, and the camera rolls. hope that your voice will actually be recorded, and be available to those who need to hear of God's great love.

hope that this vision is not just a passing dream, a fleeting ideal that can never be fully grasped.

hope that this is.

ripe

i had a post with the same title last week, but then it didn't seem right then, so i deleted it.

as God brings us down this journey, i think it is amazing how He is preparing us. me in particular, as i seek His face, he continually reveals areas in my heart of bitterness and anger, and i continually have no choice but to give them over to Him. 

no choice?

nope. not from where i stand. see, i have been down that road before, and know exactly what kind of place that ends up, what kind of fruit that bears. i want nothing to do with it.

see i desire to be, like caleb in joshua (Old Testament), a wholehearted follower of God. to "bear fruit" that is pleasing.

here is the flipside though: a few chapters later, joshua addresses isreal and gives the famous "choose you now this day whom you will serve..." but that isn't the whole story. when the leaders of isreal say that they too will serve the Lord, joshua warns them that if they commit to following the Lord, that He will hold them to it, and He is a jealous God, desiring all of who they are. that there are stiff consequences and responsibilities to committing to follow the Lord.

so this following comes at a price, but the reward?

i make my stand, i give up my heart (daily, sometimes hourly) and desire the ripest of fruit God can offer in my life.

clean

"wash me and i will be whiter than snow."

it is amazing how dirty our hearts can be. i have found, and keep finding areas within me that are just plain bitter, mean, and angry. just when i give something over to God to cleanse and make whole, another area reveals itself.

but what is amazing is that God just keeps taking it, when I give it up to Him, he washes me and makes that part new. 

so as i wait for this whole thing to do what God wants it to, i keep getting cleansed, i keep getting  reminded why it is so important for people to share God's story in their lives. 

when we tell of God's forgiveness, His power, we are giving Him glory. and that is what we were created for. we weren't created for us, we were created for Him.

that is what excites me about this whole thing.

launched

a temporary website has been launched. it is tied in with my business site.

you can see it here:

www.phillippalacios.com/a_bold_stand.html

please all continue to pray that more and more people would feel led to do this thing.

and that God's timing would prevail.

i feel the urge to tell everyone about it, but i then feel that "not yet" within me. like this thing has to grow on it's on accord, not on mine.

lets go.

it is time for me to finally share with all two readers of this blog what this is all about

"my name is _______ and I am a transformed follower of Jesus Christ."

God has put on my heart a vision to expand the reach of these transformation stories. as people are willing, film their stories in a complete, unbroken "take," and place it a yet-to-be-built website. this website would be absolutely free, visitors would be able to view the films online, download them in HD, listen to just the audio, or read a transcript of them. they could use them in Church gatherings, small groups, Bible studies, wherever. the only copyright placed on them would be that the viewers gauge if God is leading them to take "a bold stand" and profess to the world who they are, and who they strive to follow.

as for the actual films themselves, like i stated before, i would attempt to leave them unedited, even in the case of slight mess-ups. there are many reasons for this but the most prominent in my mind is that the story of God's provision, healing, and struggles in someone's life is in itself more powerful than an emotional piece of music that is playing underneath their words, or brilliantly placed b-roll footage. this is all very similar to using white letters on a black screen for worship music at Crossroads Bible Church gatherings: no frills, no manipulating emotions.

Simple. Restful. Real.

this isn't to say i just turn on a camera and say, "go." i still use all the talents that God has entrusted me with. I light, record sound, frame the camera, and everything else as best i can.

i hope to have at least one person a week willing to be filmed, so as you read this and think of your own story, or as you talk with someone who has a story that you feel is important to share, pray over whether God is leading you to take a bold stand and tell the world that you are done flirting with faith.

check it out:

www.phillippalacios.com/abs/ABS1.wmv

beginnings

this is now where it begins to get interesting.

with the very first step "in the can" there is so much to pray about:

how much scoring (music) to put to it, if any.

how much cutting (editing) to do to this story, if any.

because if i follow what i have learned, i won't cut, and i won't score. it will be a raw, untouched testimony of God's love.

unconventional, unpolished.

"simple, restful, real"

almost

this picture is so typical for this type of post, but if you could see the original uncompressed, unshrunk version you would understand why i picked it, the lighting in it is just beautiful and the timing of the action was really close to perfect for the framing... 

my friend called me out of the blue and told me he had an idea, a vision that might be a blessing in so many ways starting with teens, then young adults, then all ages. 

this vision in it's scope was so eerily near to what was given me, just in a different order, that it has God written all over it. 

and now i feel a little like gideon, when he asked God for confirmation, God gave it to him. then he wanted more confirmation, and that is where i am, kinda, sorta.

because over the past week and a half every real conversation i have had has in one way or another pointed to this vision, not directly mostly, but in essence. and then the phone call came.

my two fleeces.

so now i have been given this confirmation, what do i do with it? how do i act? how do i move from here? 

not how as in how it would work, but how as in how do i move forward. it is so easy to move forward in my human strength, but moving forward in His? half of me tells me one thing, the other something totally different. 

so now after waiting, God blesses us with this vision, now we wait on Him again.

maybe He is just teaching us patience.

one thing

interesting how just even one conversation can trigger wishes and desires that you swore off only a few days earlier, and then you think "am i really willing to give it all up?" 

 i understand, a little, what it means to die to yourself daily, but i would say sometimes its more like hourly.

when a vision is given, and it is good, it is so easy to put my own "spin" on it. thinking thoughts like "well i think that if we are to do X then we should look at Y and then i can get Z." then the vision that was once God-breathed becomes cheapened, man-made and schemed.

i don't want that. but my heart goes after it time and time again.

nothing is certain

in life we come to have expectations of what will come to be if we follow a certain course.

but when it comes down to it, we don't really have control over how something turns out.

and so it is with this vision, this dream that was given to me. it is far to early to divulge anything about it, but this: that i hold it with open hands.

because if i actually follow this vision, my life is emptied, my desires or what i thought would be my desires are forsaken. i no longer will aspire to become what i once thought would bring me joy. and so my life must be filled - with Christ.

and maybe that's exactly why this vision has been given to me.

and maybe that's exactly why i must still pray and fast about it.